Thursday, August 26, 2010

when Hello means Goodbye

It was a sleepless night as I couldn't stop thinking about what was happening 2 years ago, about our precious Esmee Lynne.  I can't help but wonder what she would have been like now, I know a little girl named Madelynne whom I'm guessing they would have looked very alike.  But I do not question, I thank God everyday for the precious little time I knew our daughter Esmee as I carried her, and I am thankful for the precious gift she gave us of bringing Heaven closer to us.


When Madelynne was born with the tumor, I was sooooo scared.  When Mason just had his acute asthma attack and was in ICU struggling to breath, I was soooo sooooo scared.  These feelings are equally felt by my hubby.


Last night as I was praying, I was just simply THANKFUL.  Thankful for every child, precious gifts from God.  My heart will always overflow in love for each one, that includes Esmee Lynne, our Angel.


This verse always brings comfort to me, I needed to read it this morning.
Jeremiah 1:5 "Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee..."
I still get the feeling that stillbirths are a touchy subject, hard to talk about and maybe accept as no one but the mother really knew the child.  I understand, until this happened to us, I didn't fully grasp it either.  But this verse is so comforting to me because God knew Esmee from the beginning.  Beautiful.


I'm sure Deena doesn't mind me sharing this as she wrote it in a previous comment and I love it.  Thank-you Deena.  She lost a grand daughter who lived for 1 hour 21 minutes.  A verse of one of the poems she wrote: 
"A tiny beacon you've become in helping to point the way, and someday we'll more fully know why you were not meant to stay.  Your sinless little soul is safe in a loving Father's care, and our purpose, with His help each day, is to one day join you there."


I wish I could be in two places today, as I would love to be putting fresh flowers on her grave.  The following song was used in a video with pictures of Esmee.  I love the words, all except for "if there's a Heaven" because we know there definitely is one.
http://www.karentaylorgood.com/audio/Precious_Child_by_Karen_Taylor-Good.mp3

4 comments:

Leaine Felce said...

Lori you are an inspiration to me in every way. I have never faced the experiences that you have but I can't help wondering if I would have had the depth of faith that you had, and still have!!!!! I often think of Esmee when I look at Kimberley - they would have been 2 weeks apart in age. Your little angel is just beautiful and the pictures of her are so touching. I am thinking of you today.....xxxxx

Sara, Justin, Simon and Max said...

We love you, all six of you!

Becca said...

Oh Lori I can't imagine the heartbreak but you are such a strong mommy in every way. Big hugs to you, and thinking of you today and often!

Deena said...

This made my eyes mist over. I kind of feel like we "know" Esmee, too, since you were carrying her when we first met your family. Very touching post and pictures, Lori.